Smooth- Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas

It's just hitting me how much I've changed. It's like I'm Melanie Beta, new and improved.
I care more about people's feelings, without having it completely over-take me and I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I'm finding it easier to be just me, and not what people expect me to be. It's so liberating to just live for yourself and not anyone else.
I just wish I wrote more. I used to spend my days nights writing stories and poems in my notebook. It's so disapointing, the only time I really write now is when I write with Britt, and even that isn't even ment for others' eyes. I just wish I could write something successfully now, to just have words pour from my imagination onto paper.

Today was To Write Love On Her Arms day and as I walked aroung with my TWLOHA tshirt and with L O V E written on my wrist, I couldn't help but be reminded of those times that I felt so dark. I really hate thinking about it because it reminds me of how weak I was, how desperate to find a place in which I belonged. I honestly don't think that I could ever come to terms with that time in my life, and actually embrace it as a lesson learned. It's so against what I believe in now, and as cliche as it seems, the me that I am now hates who I was back then.
Have you ever looked back on something you did and cringed visibly? Ugh, when I think of what I did to myself I just wince and mentally tell myself how much of a dumbass I was.

Enough about that, I have no idea how guys view me here.
I've always thought of myself as a girl you'll love after you get to know. But then again, when I intitially thought that, I didn't really care about my appearance much. And I didn't really have to, the people that I saw everyday in high school I knew since elementary school and middle school. They've seen me in my ugly duckling phase, with my braces, big glasses, and tacky uniforms.
Lol it's such a drastic change from then to now, I kind of want some male appreciation. I'm convinced that these white boys aren't used to my kind of fly yet. I'm definately not like the J.Crew and Abercrombie girls here, but I love that. I'm more urban outfitters and Betsey Johnson. I'm actually starting to think that I'm above some of the guys here.
They're way too pretty and I don't like pretty guys. At all. lls


College Update:
I love Pearl Jam now!
I'm going to see Paranormal Activiy tonight. I'm mentally preparing myself as I type lol.
I have an 8 page paper due tonight but I'm probably not going to turn it in until tomorrow afternoon.
I'm starting to get sick of going out every saturday night...
My floor's doing Secret Santa and I really do not want to get a guy :(
Sister Hazel's coming tomorrow and my friends and I are going to drink before-hand, thus making the concert bearable. Good times.

This has been a MelanieDanielle Production.